In a spiritual marriage, ideally blessed by the realized one both feel full trust and devotion to, nothing will ever be casual, ever be accidental, unnecessary let alone detrimental. Each and every look, word and touch, every episode and even a seeming burden or conflict makes perfect sense, is the starting point, a precious opportunity to practice profoundly and sincerely what we least think we can. Being confronted, being dissolved. Accepting this to be true can transform the relationship in its entirety into a continuously evolving river, finally reaching its destination, an ocean of love and insight.
Because, while known to be pure, just like myself, yet the beloved emanates from my master’s kindness and generosity in order for me to detect, unveil, invite and reconcile my own demons, darkest spots of ignorance as well as most burning desire and wildest fears. Demons often so similar but even more often complementary to the partner’s, each moment we can make the choice between their sacred dance and their ferocious fight. We might have heard about this, received the instructions, and we might be convinced, resolved and want this to be part of our daily conduct. And yes, we are also aware of the responsibility we are assuming and the challenges, this is not going to be a picnic. The longer we try to guard our hearts from new fissures the longer it will take until we can allow our marriage to mend the old ones, and finally realize that there have never been any in the first place. But why then would something so natural that started out with the best intentions and the highest guidance succeed and last so rarely, instead sometimes leaving both in deep disappointment and doubt? Which is even worse and confusing because a real Dharma marriage, one which is based on the solemn promise to always trust and care for each other, can never truly be divorced as it was taught. So where are the pitfalls?
Mistaking myself and the beloved as two separate entities creates the origin of anxiety, of attachment where there is supposed to be love, and indifference where we should embed the spouse in constant mindfulness. The worst of obstacles however lies in ego’s arrogance that can so easily be inflated by a spiritual attitude and way of life. How can we appreciate unless with a sound yet humble self-esteem? Under pride’s rule there is no room for closeness, for vulnerability and surrender, forgivingness, and thus for genuine union of hearts in gratitude, trust and loving kindness. And no room then either for each and every being to join this family and be embraced as our dear children.
Can we hold on for a moment and breathe, any time our childish habit of self-defense is about to ruin intimacy, empathy and equality? Can we find the joy in the freshness of going beyond patterns? Can we just play with what we believe to be frustration and helplessness by melting the barriers and swapping roles, by reaching out, opening and offering our innermost? Can we sink into each other’s eyes, the mirror of our neurosis as well as our vast potential, with a good sense of humor even, bravely, and find a way out, any time, try again, rewrite the script? Can we please give room to gentleness, to this overwhelming feeling of compassion and loving care both for ourselves and the beloved, in the very moment our self tries to seize this precious chance? Can we remember the inner teacher and be inspired? Can we let go, can we dare to fall and find ourselves lost and safe in this abyss of purity?
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