The topic Einsamkeit has accompanied me since my earliest childhood, where I had to be in a hospital for several months, in the age of six to nine month, separated from my parents.
These paintings Einsamkeit were done long ago, and it started one day I was feeling this conglomeration of fear, sadness and resignation, so deeply that I locked myself up in my studio for several weeks, to not be distracted by anything and able to face things directly. The color black came up in my mind, because only black can express this incredibly strong, deep moving emotion spreading out in my whole body and mind. To express myself I also needed the maximum of contrast, which is black and white.
The highest goal in developing my painting was to establish a unique manuscript, where I could express in an encrypted way my emotions and all kind of stories, experiences in life.
The colored parts are symbols of different ways of loneliness. For example you see a boat struggling with deep waves in the ocean and lost in its expanse. On the second painting you see a symbol for dead trees, signifying to leave our earth alone.
In most of my paintings I have an inner view of them, but in the process of painting, in the creative space, I completely let go all ideas and imaginations and surrender to the space of just being and letting go concepts. As one of my teachers said: „The best is, if you are lost….“ In German language loneliness is very close to our nature mind or true nature. From alleinsein to all-eins-seins is only one step.
My coming along with this emotion has changed very much. The feelings are still coming up, but I’m able to deal with them in a different way. Practising shikantaza and Tibetan Buddhism, I apply one of the skillful means, which are so many in all Buddhist teachings and advice.
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