By reading the inspiring works of Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche, I found myself meditating on how important love is, how important is the concept of love and kindness in the emotional relationships during our path.
“Love includes accepting others and being noble, reasonable, openhearted, resourceful, and free of possessiveness.
With love, you are totally gentle, utterly kind, thorough, wise, fearless, and willing to commit yourself to any situation.
You are warriorlike, industrious, tireless, and never take time off for yourself.
I think that covers the Buddhist version of the word love.”
–Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche.
Love understands the other. It is bonded by what we have to offer, not by what we have to gain. It is said that, as we develop the mastery of the natural potential of our mind, we will have much more to offer others and to the world. There is richness in a relationship when there is trust and joy in sharing the good things that we have with the other.
The Buddhist proposal is an invitation to overcome the fixations on our identities, our world, our borders and self-centeredness. Love is liking the other and making it easier for him or her to be happy … Focusing on the positive qualities of the other brings up the marvelous energy to care for, protect, and promote benefit in your life; from this attitude, unconditional love emerges. In the Tibetan language, love is referred as loving-kindness, which is closer to our possibilities or capacities.
A culture of peaceful relations needs to be embraced by loving-kindness. The attitude of loving-kindness is part of the training theme in the four immeasurable qualities or unlimited meditation:
1) loving kindness, overcoming self-interest and focusing on the positive qualities of others.
2) compassion, lucid intelligence which looks for the skillful means to benefit others, the compassionate energy manifests itself no matter whether people are good or if they are full of negativity, for we want everyone, without exception, to overcome their suffering and negative views.
3) equanimity, relations of equality and generosity.
4) joy, feeling satisfaction for the achievements of others, for their relief and happiness.
The relationships that we live in our lives during the various experiences are great opportunities to develop this training. With some strains which appear on personal relationships, the referred training becomes even better, even more efficient, because you learn to observe the difficulties in another way, and you can find new ways to operate with your mind. More light is the way of training, degenerating times are exactly the times when compassion, equality and kindness are forgotten. The same is true in our relations: they become difficult when we forget to practice: compassion, lucid intelligence, goodness, kindness and equanimity, respect, equality and generosity. It is not easy, but in every achievement, we can say with fulfillment: what a joy!
True love gives us the capacity and interest to explore the qualities and potential of our partner, even if this potential reveals their most vulnerable aspects. As love is unconditional, it is free of self-interest and includes the world of the other, the vulnerable parts become the path of transformation, of learning and mutual development. This view of love magnetizes our partner, attracts positive conduct and initiatives, directs us to what is true love, to the most lasting , stable and genuine relationships. Loving kindness enables us to warmly welcome our beloved, to nurture them, offering support for their development.
Love brings a sincere and unconditional wish for the welfare of others, free of self-centered interests. We don’t need to escape from the base of our likes and tastes, but to have a mature spiritual attitude that understands the causes and conditions that model our feelings as well as our partner´s. We take a clear and clever position that transforms our relationship through this discernment and, eventually, freedom emanates from it. We are more sensitive and perceptible to the sources that produce wellbeing than to the conditions that generate discomfort. When a relationship is based on it, trust and openness sets in. Anger, jealousy, greedy needs and diverse deceptions don’t have space, support, or conditions to manifest. Every act, every look, every word is imbued with love and understanding. For this to take place, it is necessary to give up on obsessed ideas about each other, about themselves and the surrounding reality. A healthy and true relationship needs space, breathing and mental flexibility. It is essential to cultivate openness, acceptance and empathy in the heart.
To abandon the posture of self- interest and, on the contrary, just look for the benefit of others, is the best path to connect us with the larger-sized dimension.
The quote from Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche is from the book, The Bodhisattva Path of Wisdom and Compassion: The Profound Treasury of the Ocean of Dharma, Volume Two
Featured image by Katrin Baustmann, Germany.